HERE’S THE BOTTOM LINE…

It is not uncommon for teens to be under tremendous pressure! Many teens are striving to be successful in their academic pursuits, their extracurriculars, and even keep up the perfect image on social media. However, not all teens are perfectionists! What does perfectionism even look like in teens? In this series of posts we will explore this very question. Specifically, we will discuss findings from a recent study (Molnar et al., 2023) that examined the key components of perfectionism in teens. In this study 46 teenagers who considered themselves to be perfectionists were interviewed so that they could tell us about their experiences of perfectionism. It was important to talk to the teens themselves because most of the work on perfectionism focuses on adults and not young people and we know that there are important differences between teens and adults. The teen perfectionists in this study were incredibly insightful and provided rich descriptions of what perfectionism means to them and how it looks in their daily lives. In this first post will take a look at the first characteristic of perfectionism that the teens identified: high standards!

Only the Highest of Standards Will Do…Even if I Know I Can’t Meet Them!

Teen perfectionists identified having high standards as a key aspect of their perfectionism. On the surface this may seem like a good thing. I mean who doesn’t want a teenager to aspire to be successful? However, it is not that simple! These teen perfectionists do not simply have high standards, but they have excessively high standards. For example, some teen perfectionists demand that they achieve 100% in all of their courses, whereas others who participate in sports expect to play perfectly in every single game of the season! Further, many perfectionistic teens demand that they are perfect in all aspects of their lives, including being the perfect friend, student, athlete, sibling, child, and the list goes on… Interestingly, whereas some teen perfectionists truly think that they can reach these goals, many know that their standards are unrealistic and unattainable, yet they refuse to give them up.

PLEASE NOTE: The information presented in this blog is intended for information purposes only. It is not intended to be used as diagnostic criteria. Perfectionism is not a recognized psychological disorder. The information in this blog is NOT a substitute for advice by an appropriate health professional. If you are experiencing distress, please contact an appropriate health professional.

So What is the Big Deal about Having High Standards Anyways?

Our study, like many others’ research (e.g., Hewitt & Flett, 1991; Frost et al., 1990; Slaney et al., 2001), shows that high standards are inextricably linked to perfectionism and that this is true of both adults and teens. However, this presents a conundrum because people who are highly conscientious and who strive for excellence also have high standards. So how do we tell the difference between healthy standards that help lead us to success and unhealthy standards that are indicative of perfectionism? Luckily for us there are some signs that we can look for in teens. First, are the standards attainable or not? Needing to be perfect is not attainable whereas wanting to do well or improve in some areas of our lives is doable. For example, most of the perfectionistic teens in our study had unattainable standards as they needed to be perfect in most if not all areas of their lives.

“I consciously am aware of the fact that it’s impossible to be perfect, but I still try to get there anyway.”

This is problematic in many ways. For example, what does perfect even mean in most cases? Can a piece of writing or a work of art ever be perfect and if so who gets to decide what is perfect? Even when ‘perfect’ is possible, such as a perfect score on a math test, it is not always possible, as things are not always under our control. What if we have multiple tests or assignments all due on the same day so we cannot devote enough time to study for any one task? What if we are not feeling 100% or the test has questions that we are not expecting? These are all things out of our control that can affect our performance. Further, we all have strengths and weaknesses. We cannot be perfect or even good at everything. This is one of the great things about being human because it allows us all to have our ‘special’ qualities. If everyone had them then they would not be special. Second, are the standards flexible? Perfectionistic teens are known to be pretty rigid and hold onto their standards at all costs, whereas those who strive for excellence are flexible in their standards as they adapt to changing circumstances. Interestingly, this means that perfectionism can actually hold teens back because they will be excessively persistent in their pursuits when they would be more successful by changing tracks. Third, are the high standards causing persistent pressure and stress? Everyone has stress and feels pressure from time to time. This is part of the human experience and stress can be helpful in short bursts. However, imagine feeling the constant weight of needing to always be flawless. This can lead to chronic stress, which is exhausting and can result in mental health problems and burnout! Finally, what’s driving the need to meet these standards? Teens with healthy standards and higher levels of conscientiousness tend to strive for high standards, but their self-worth is not dependent on meeting those standards whereas perfectionistic teens often feel that they need to meet these lofty standards to be worthy of acceptance.

In Summary:

• Teen perfectionists have a deep and rich understanding of their perfectionism.
• During in-depth semi-structured interviews perfectionistic teens identified 11 key aspects of perfectionism.
• Teen perfectionists indicated that high standards are an important component of their perfectionism.
• Perfectionistic adolescents’ standards are not just high, but are excessive and often unattainable.
• Some perfectionistic teens believe that they can achieve perfection whereas many others recognize that they cannot be perfect, yet still aim for perfection anyways.

Stay tuned for Part II where we discuss how teen perfectionists never seem to never be satisfied with their performance or themselves!

PLEASE NOTE: The resources provided should be used as supplemental information to learn more about anxiety and the role you can play in supporting your child. If your child is struggling, please ensure you are reaching out for professional support beginning with your child’s Family Doctor or Pediatrician.

To learn more about this study, check out:

Molnar, D. S., Blackburn, M., Tacuri, N., Zinga, D., Flett, G. L., & Hewitt, P. L. (2023). “I need to be perfect or else the world’s gonna end”: A qualitative analysis of adolescent perfectionists’ expression and understanding of their perfectionism. Canadian Psychology / Psychologie canadienne. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1037/cap0000357