We live in a world where the line between public and private has blurred, perhaps beyond repair. Cameras are everywhere. Our phones track our movements. Social media turns the everyday into content. For today’s young people, growing up means growing up watched, and increasingly, it means growing up perfect. 

Surveillance is no longer just a tool of governments or institutions. It’s embedded into the fabric of daily life. From school hallways equipped with cameras to smartphone apps that monitor location and screen time, young people are constantly being observed by teachers, parents, peers, and even strangers online. On top of this, nearly everyone has their phones out, ready to capture moments in real time. Just attend any concert or sporting event today, and you’ll find it hard to see the actual event through the sea of glowing screens. When something unusual, embarrassing, or controversial occurs, an unspoken race begins to record it, often fueled by the hope of gaining views, likes, or shares. This relentless recording means that mistakes are not only witnessed but frequently broadcast, replayed, and scrutinized by countless others. As a result, privacy becomes nearly impossible, and the pressure to perform flawlessly intensifies. 

This constant visibility comes at a significant cost. 

Psychologically, being watched can alter how we see ourselves. When we know we’re being observed, we become more self-conscious, more controlled. We second-guess our choices, monitor our behaviour, and attempt to manage how we are perceived. For many young people, this constant awareness contributes to a growing need to be flawless in how they perform, and in who they appear to be. 

In short, surveillance culture is quietly feeding a perfectionism epidemic. 

Perfectionism isn’t just about wanting to do well. It’s about fearing what happens if you are not flawless, and when mistakes can be screenshot, shared, or replayed, that fear can become paralyzing. A bad grade, an awkward photo, a poorly worded comment, any misstep can live forever online. The margin for error feels razor thin. The pressure to curate a perfect life begins early and quickly becomes ingrained. 

Research has shown that perfectionism in young people isn’t just common (Flett & Hewitt, 2022), it’s costly. Our work links perfectionism to higher levels of anxiety, depression, social disconnection, and even weakened immune functioning (Blackburn et al., 2024; Molnar et al., 2023; 2024). In other words, demanding perfection isn’t just stressful, it can be harmful to both mental and physical health. Further, research indicates that perfectionism is on the rise (Curran & Hill, 2019), driven in part by societal messages that equate success with self-worth. 

This is particularly concerning in a world where young people are constantly exposed. Where every test score, outfit, or opinion can be captured, shared, and judged. When every choice feels like it’s being recorded, every post feels like a performance, and every mistake feels permanent, perfectionism starts to make sense. It becomes a form of protection or an attempt to control what others see and, by extension, how they respond. 

However, the cost of this constant self-monitoring is high. It erodes authenticity. It discourages risk-taking and it feeds isolation, shame, and self-criticism. 

So What Can We Do?

The truth is, we can’t turn off the cameras. We can’t undo the existence of social media or stop every app from tracking our moves. But we can shift how we respond to ourselves, to one another, and to the pressure to be perfect. Whether you’re a teen dealing with this culture, a parent raising someone in it, or an adult who supports youth, there are ways to push back. 

For Teens and Young Adults:

• Let yourself be human. Mistakes aren’t signs of failure. They are signs of growth. You’re allowed to mess up, change your mind, or take a break. 

• Curate your feed with intention. Follow accounts that celebrate vulnerability, progress, and authenticity, not just perfection. 

• Talk about the pressure. Chances are that your friends feel it too. Being honest about the stress of always being “on” can make others feel safer being real, too. 

• Practice grace toward yourself and others. If someone posts something awkward or makes a mistake, pause before you pile on. The way we react to other people’s missteps shapes how safe we feel to make our own. 

For Parents and Caregivers:

• Praise effort, not outcomes. Help teens value process over perfection by noticing their persistence, creativity, or courage, not just their grades or trophies. 

• Normalize imperfection. Share your own mistakes. Let them see that you don’t always get it right and that you’re still okay. 

• Create space for rest. Build unstructured time into their schedules and protect it. Over-scheduling can turn even hobbies into high-stakes performances. 

When your child slips up resist the urge to panic or respond with shame. Instead, try to take context into account. That means asking: What was going on for them at the time? Were they overwhelmed, trying to fit in, unaware of the impact, or acting on impulse? Taking context into account doesn’t mean excusing harmful behaviour, but it does mean understanding the full picture before reacting. 

For example, if your teen posts something online that comes across as insensitive, instead of immediately grounding them or taking away their phone, start by asking what they meant, who they were trying to reach, and how they feel about it now. This opens the door for reflection and accountability without making them feel permanently judged or defined by one mistake. It also teaches them that people can grow, repair harm, and make better choices in the future. 

When adults model this kind of thoughtful, measured response, it helps young people develop compassion, not just for others, but for themselves. And in a culture where perfection is often expected, showing that mistakes are part of being human is one of the most powerful things we can do. 

The Bottom Line

We can’t completely remove young people from a culture that is constantly watching, recording, and expecting perfection. But we can build countercultures around dinner tables, in classrooms, on sports fields, and in group chats, where they feel safe enough to be real. Safe enough to try. Safe enough to fail. 

Because kids aren’t born perfect, and they are not meant to be. Growth requires room for missteps, reflection, and second chances. Today’s teens are coming of age in a world where even small mistakes can be captured, shared, and permanently stored. However, that wasn’t the world most adults grew up in. Before smartphones and social media, us adults had the safety of forgetting. The freedom to make poor choices without an audience. The chance to learn who we were without being constantly observed. 

Our kids deserve that same grace.