Teens who try to project a flawless image of themselves tend to get bullied more often and are less likely to receive kindness from their peers, says new Brock University research.

But showing these teens affection and support may mitigate or even reduce the perfectionistic tendencies causing them much stress, says the study, “Perfect fronts, fragile bonds: Prospective associations between perfectionistic self-presentation and peer experiences.”

“When young perfectionists experience kindness and acceptance from their peers, it can help them let go of that constant pressure to be perfect,” says Associate Professor of Child and Youth Studies Danielle Sirianni Molnar, who led the study.

“If you’re a parent, teacher or friend, one of the best things you can do for a perfectionist is to show them that they’re valued for who they are, not just for what they accomplish,” says the Canada Research Chair in Adjustment and Well-Being in Children and Youth.

Adolescent perfectionists have excessively high standards, feel chronically dissatisfied, even if they achieve their high standards, engage in excessive comparison and think they need to be “the best” as a way of staving off feeling worthless, among other characteristics.

“Perfectionistic self-presentation” occurs when someone projects the best parts of themselves and covers up any mistakes they commit or flaws they may have.

Lead author and Child and Youth Studies PhD student Melissa Blackburn says the study is the first of its kind to examine the relationship between perfectionistic self-presentation and peer relationships over time.

“Young people often adopt perfectionistic self-presentation tendencies as a way to put their best foot forward and create connections with others,” she says, noting the strategy often backfires and leaves perfectionistic youth feeling isolated from their peers. “This may be particularly harmful for teenagers, given that acceptance from peers plays a key role in their developing sense of self.”

The researchers — Blackburn, Sirianni Molnar, Professor of Child and Youth Studies Dawn Zinga and Psychology PhD student Hanna Puffer — recruited 239 adolescents between the ages of 13 and 19 years who filled out a series of surveys between October 2017 and November 2021.

The surveys measured the participants’ perfectionistic self-presentation strategies and the in-person experiences — both positive and negative — they had with their peers.

The team found:

• Younger teens were more upset about displaying their mistakes than older teens.
• Girls tended to hide their mistakes more than boys.
• Girls reported lower levels of relational victimization — for example, being excluded and ignored, rumours aimed at damaging relationships — than boys.
• The higher the teen’s level of perfectionistic self-presentation, the more the teen was victimized by their peers.
• The lower the teen’s level of perfectionistic self-presentation, the more they experienced pro-social acts such as expressions of kindness and care from peers, attempts by peers to cheer them up and receiving help from peers when needed.

The tendency for perfectionistic teens to be bullied and deprived of positive social interactions may fuel their perfectionist efforts even more, with the impact of hiding their true selves, says Sirianni Molnar.

“The research also shows that when adolescents experience more kindness and positive acts from their peers, they’re more likely to relax their efforts to be perfect,” she says. “This suggests that supportive and positive peer relationships can help teenagers break free from the pressure of perfectionism and lead to more authentic, meaningful friendships.”

Sirianni Molnar says her team’s research provides support for school programs and policies that prioritize kindness, empathy and social-emotional learning that focuses on empathy and conflict resolution. It also aims to increase teachers’ and parents’ awareness of perfectionism to help youth build and maintain strong, healthy relationships in which the teens are valued for who they are rather than what they accomplish.

Some 25 to 30 per cent of youth are highly perfectionistic, with that percentage rising, says Sirianni Molnar.